Introduction
In the land of Nerantel, there are three continents: Carida, with wide grassy plains and gently sloping hills that jut directly into the watery underworld of Oceania. After Oceania, there is Rangeland, a continent filled with rocky cliffs and steep mountains. On one of those mountains is a special gem, the Nerantel gem, that holds power and darkness.
To begin with, I’m reading this story 19 years after I wrote it in 1996 for what was probably my 7th grade English class. I imagine it was probably a creative writing assignment, and being the cripplingly obsessed Star Wars fanatic that I was, I decided to use names and species from various Star Wars novels I was reading at the time. My 60 year old English teacher will never be the wiser, I probably thought. Judging by the heavy underwater theme throughout this 1,000-word piece of work, I’m guessing I was deep in my obsession with Kevin J. Anderson’s Jedi Academy trilogy.
What I love most about rereading this, though, is how familiar with this world I am. So much so that I take nearly everything for granted, like character development, plot details, and pesky things like motive. But damn if I’m not just direct about stating an antagonist’s goals.
Two special twins, Corran and Carina, were born of the King and Queen of the Open Stars, and in order to take the throne, they must prove themselves worthy. They decide to get the Nerantel gem. The antagonist of the story is Count Palpatine, an evil lord who wants the gem for his own needs. He hates the twins.
“Get.” Not capture, or reclaim, or steal. Just get. Like you do with earrings from Claire’s. Next, we find out about Palpatine’s pure hatred for the main characters. Even in the rought draft attached to this story, I explicitly and intensely highlight how much this Count—named after the Emperor in Star Wars—hates the twins. Still no clue as to why—that’s just details, after all. Who cares, he’s evil, keep reading. You all know how bad guys in science fiction are.
The Nerantal Gem
Horse hooves muffled silently against the damp grass as Prince Corran and Princess Carina galloped toward the continent of Oceania.“How much longer until we get there?” asked Carina, her voice vibrating from riding so hard.“Two hours, give or take a few minutes,” her brother replied, taking a swing from a canteen then passing it over to her so she could drink.
I love how precise he is on the ETA while on this muffled horseback ride. I also love that for every exchange of dialogue, the characters have to be doing some sort of action in addition to talking, whether it’s consuming a beverage or suffering from horse-shake.
They rode past several towns before Corran pulled the horse’s reins tightly, making it whinny, and jumped down finally. They stretched to get the blood moving back in them. Then the twins put on wetsuits, goggles, and a two-way microphone so they could hear clearer.
Oceania was much like our planet’s oceans (before it blew up), except Oceania has a double amount of oxygen, so you can actually breathe underwater.
There is so much silent exposition in this four-sentence paragraph. Good thing they finally arrived at the first major setting of the story—better stretch those muscles first! They load up with James Bond-levels of gear before we find out briefly in passing that Earth was destroyed. Thanks narrator? Who are you? Is it 12-year-old me? WHY WAS EARTH BLOWN UP? Next, we find out about a very simple, very easy scientific reason why our heroes could breathe underwater. Just more air! Easy as pie. Won’t have to worry about those pesky re-breathers like in The Phantom Menace a few years later. No word on gills a la Waterworld, either.
They jumped in the arctic water and immediately they started shivering, until they submerged further underwater. A beautiful menagerie of sights, smells, and sounds invaded their senses. There was an overwhelming coral reef fortress that the king lived in. The most intriguing sight, however, were the native species that lived here, the Tesseks—a species that basically looked human, with a salmon head. A Tessek was the king of this world that beauty practically poured out of.
How they’re smelling underwater, I’m not sure. Probably all that oxygen. Also, I love that I decided to distinctly describe “a salmon head” for the Tesseks. I still wish it was Admiral Ackbar, whose species actually has the unfortunate yet delicious name of Mon Calamari.
They decided to get something to eat, so they looked around the kingdom and finally found a quaint little restaurant called “The Eatery of Oceania.” They ate in an air-tight chamber so they would not drown. They had spiced filets of rainbow trout for dinner and a couple drinks at the bar. They finished, got up, paid, and went to a reef shelter and slept the most bizarre sleep they had ever slept.
This is maybe my favorite passage of the entire story. Brilliant adolescent writer that I was, I predict the reader’s question of how they don’t drown while eating, and cut that business off at the pass. It’s all so casual, too. A little spiced trout. A couple drinks. Nothing fancy. Then the heroes sleep in what I am imagining is one of those cyberpunk sleep capsules in cyberpunk Tokyo. Why it was the most bizarre sleep they had ever slept, the world shall never know. Again, details. It’s only a short story after all, not a novel. 12-year-old me is no Proust. She has more Star Wars books to read, Umbros to wear, and bikes to ride.
They woke only to find the aerial species—and the Tessekk’s arch enemy—the Flits, attacking the majestic underwater city. They were dumping hot vats of bubbling magma all over the water. Chaos broke out. Normally, the twins would have stayed, but they were on a mission. They stole a local’s speedboat and sped off. 25 miles later, they ran out of gas.
Stanzas in poetry translate literally to “rooms.” This little stanza of short-story prose is more like a mansion. A strange bird war breaks out, liquid hot magma is spilled (a detail that I’m fairly certain stems straight from Austin Powers, a movie I was so obsessed with in 1996 that I made a screen name about. A boat is stolen from a local underwater citizen, which is a crime that I’ve learned from action movies is always forgiven if it’s in the quest of good.
“Just great,” declared Corran. “Now how will we get to the other side?”
He looked over at his sister, who had her eyes closed in deep concentration, and slowly, but surely, she began levitating her entire body into the air. Her brother caught on quickly. They broke the surface after a matter of minutes. By now, they were up in the clouds. All of a sudden, they stopped levitating, spread out on their stomachs, and began flying toward Rangeland at supersonic speed.
Who doesn’t love a good old deus ex machina? Man, I forgot we could levitate! Here we go. Is it the force? Who knows. They are the Children of the Open Stars, if the reader kindly remembers. Surely there’s some magical life-binding, inherited power implicit in their lineage.
They landed at the base of the special mountain that held the sacred Nerantel gem. It was said it was so steep that many people compared it to climbing up a skyscraper, except for the fact that skyscrapers were smooth!
You think you know mountains, BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW STEEP RANGELAND MOUNTAINS.
Before they were to begin the arduous climb upward, they stopped and took out small, flavorless, colorless cubes of concentrated food. When you ate one, it filled you up tremendously.
This is now two meals in less than 400 words of text. I am extremely proud, however, that I decided to include the sci-fi staple of Soylent-like sustenance. For a brief period of time in 8th grade, I would bring cold tins of single-serve corned beef hash and pretend it was space rations. I am not lying about this.
They made good time, considering the gigantic proportions of the mountain. It took them exactly 20 hours of nonstop climbing just to get a quarter of the way there.
“Uh-oh,” said Corran. “We have reached the summit. That means—”
Corrina cut him off sharply. “The temps drop quickly and the snow falls.” She smiled awkwardly.
They stopped and slept for several hours before continuing. It was nighttime now, and it was going to get below zero soon. They took out some thermoelectric blankets and began to climb.
Near the top, Corran put a hand over the direct edge of the cliff, fingers stiff from the cold. One more heave and they would be at the top. He lifted his right leg over the top, pulled, and rolled over on his back. He closed his eyes and relaxed. They did it!
Yay! They did it. Just a simple, 80-hour climb, three-quarters of which I skip over completely. 31-year old me right now would not mind hearing more about these food cubes.
He didn’t even think to look over. The sight when he did look, though, took what little breath he had away. On the top of the mountain was a huge, ancient, monolithic pantheon. Between the many pillars, at the very, very back was a bright, shiny, gem. The twins could feel the power radiating out of it.
He leaned over and gave his sister a hand. They brushed themselves off and started toward the gem.
A huge, ancient, monolithic pantheon. Several people have queried what exactly this type of pantheon is, and just how it could be monolithic. Doesn’t matter—look at all those adjectives! This is a Serious Sacred Building.
They were several meters from the kiosk where the gem sat when all of a sudden, the evil Palpatine emerged from the shadows, laughed, and took the gem.
On the notebook paper of this story, I had whited-out something and replaced the word with kiosk. Almost any other word close to “stand” would have made more sense than the purposely chosen kiosk.
Corran reacted instantly by lunging for the evil figure, and they both crashed down hard on the snow. They fought fiercely, throwing punches hard and even head-butting.
Pay attention now, the plot wraps up neatly and confusingly in about 30 seconds. In the meantime, we’ll let these males fight.
Corran shouted at his sister to get the red Nerantel gem. She ran toward it, picked it up, and placed it securely in her backpack. They two men were getting awfully close to the edge, and her mind raced to think of what she could to do help them. She got an idea. She ran over to one of the huge stone pillars and took out her vibroblade. It made quick work of the heavy pillar. She yelled a warning to her brother in their native language, but it distracted him, and he ended up getting punched 10 feet back.
“Ah, so I see that you are not as strong as I thought,” gloated the evil count. The instant he said that, the huge pole came down on him, crushing every single bone in his body.
Prince Corran, bloodied and beaten, staggered to Carina. “What did you say? You made me get distracted,” he exhaled in confusion. “I am so confused.”
She blushed, the choked down a laugh. “All I said was “fore!” And the two began to laugh and they started their descent to the heavens, where they belonged.
I love many things about this. I love that it ends with a confusing, jokey golf reference—which is great, because I have never played golf, not even in middle school. I love that— early feminist that I was, obviously—the sister saves the day with her quick thinking. I love that she “chokes down a laugh.” Many authors use epithets, but I clearly did not understand their exact purpose. Also, why did she blush? Was she romantically attracted to her brother? Not that Star Wars precludes this, but come on.
My favorite parts, of course, are the pieces of text that sound so conversationally kid-like. “Corran shouted at his sister to get the red Nerantel gem.” I had to throw in that reference to its ruby color! It’s blindingly beautiful! Good guys and bad guys want it! But most of all, I’m proud that I was confident enough to turn this hot sci-fi mess into my 60 year old teacher, and get a 98 on it.