- Oh, a sci fi trope where you don’t have names. It didn’t work in the Road, probably won’t work here.
- I’m already exhausted.
- Those kids are going to make noise.
- Do birds need air? Please don’t let those birds suffocate.
- Are they just going to row in a circle? I’ve seen this episode of the Simpsons. It doesn’t end well.
- Ohhh, so you can peek through a blindfold? How is this not cheating? Grainy images don’t count?
- How is Sandra Bullock pregnant and 54? Oh, I’m sorry, it’s 5 years earlier. Here, she’s a spry 49! My bad.
- All I can think of with this car wreck is that she’d definitely be giving birth or miscarrying right this instant.”
- Why am I doing this? There’s no way a movie where Sarah Paulson dies in the first 10 minutes is good.
- My annoyance at seeing John Malkovich is rivaled only by my joy at seeing B.D. Wong.
- This dude in the supermarket vest is REALLY into end times mythology.
- Is this better or worse than a zombie movie? External versus internal danger, etc. Ugh, I don’t like either. I personally would choose to just give up in these types of situations. And I love life!
- Man, I miss Sarah Paulson. I’d watch a movie about her and her horse farm any ol’ day. Make it a gay romance a la Desert Hearts. That’d be nice.
- So this is back in time, but somehow Sandra’s going to have ANOTHER child? She’s already pregnant! Whyyyy? She doesn’t even want this one!
- NOW WE’RE BACK IN THE ROWBOAT UNDER A BLANKET. You can’t see shit.
- TIL birds drink water.
- B.D. WONG Iknew would save us! HE’s tying himself to the chair like Odysseus to the mast!
- Why is the power still on in this world? That’s the first thing that goes in crises, especially when most of the population is killing themselves.
- What do you do with one lil tongue touch of gin, John Malkovich?
- I was wrong about B.D. Wong. RIP.
- Through all these flashbacks, I KNOW they’re still on that fucking row boat about to go off the cliff. WHYYY.
- No seriously, how is the power still on in this world? I wonder if the bosses were like “Y’all have to stay here at the power plant. Shit’s about to get real.”
- Welp, now I can say I’ve seen Sandra Bullock hack a red-headed motherfucker to death in a rowboat.
- GPS STILL WORKS TOO HOW IS SOCIETY STILL IN TACT?!
- Laughing out loud at human speed bump lies as they drive to the store with no windows.
- OK this proximity alert scene in the car is pretty frightening.
- How are they gonna get food with blindfolds? What if they get gluten free oatmeal!?!
- APOCALYPSE SUPERMARKET SWEEP. I WOULD WIN THIS SHIT NO JOKE.
- Oh, the eponymous birds. You gotta enough to worry about, Sandra. You don’t need birds!
- OH THE BIRDS ARE LIKE CANARIES. Subtle, guys, subtle.
- She should not keep the birds though. Did she get birdseed? Day old newspapers? Are they going to have to live in a (gasp) Bird Box™?
- I don’t know why they’re not more strictly rationing the food. Sandra’s over here tearin’ into a whole jar of peanut butter that could last them two weeks.
- Ohhh the dumb young lovers stole the car. Are they from Florida? He seems like Jason Mendoza from the Good Place. That sounds about right.
- WAIT WHAT EXCUSE ME 24 HOURS ON THE RIVER OK. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A THREE-HOUR TOUR.
- I’m not a parent, guys, but there’s NO WAY kids would keep these blindfolds on, right? No way.
- You guys, I just learned that BirdBox ™ has air holes, so we’re good, they can breathe. Do birds have lungs? I don’t know much about birds.
- The most anxiety producing moments in this film is when she leaves those goddamned kids alone.
- This movie is nonsense.
- Sure, I have strong feelings about choosing to live in an apocalyptic hellscape but really, no one should live in this world.
- Sandra, if you die, these children will die. STOP SHOUTING AT THEM TO SAVE THEMSELVES.
- Some folks don’t have to wear blindfolds?
- OH THIS IS WHERE THE EXTRA BABY COMES FROM.
- 38 hours on the river. Jesus christ.
- These poor children are so scarred.
- Jesus she has to Sophie’s Choice these kids. HORRIBLE.
- OH NO THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE BABIES AT THE SAME TIME.
- Oh no the English gentleman they let in is doing his weird fucked up and dark Tumblr art in the living room. This was a huge mistake. The birds don’t care!?!?! YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING JOB, BIRDS.
- Oh he put the birds in the freezer. So you get cold and don’t work, birds!?!
- John Malkovich, I’m sorry. The world needs assholes in an apocalypse, you were right—about everything.
- THERE’S HELLA STRAWBERRY JAM ON THESE BABIES.
- Oh no now Sandra B. is going to have to breastfeed both these babies. UGHHH.
- I hate this movie.
- Esteemed, Academy Award-winning actor of our time John Malkovich was like “Yes. Yes, I agree to hold a shotgun blindfolded and point it at a man with my eyes closed for minutes on end.”
- OK what is this movie a metaphor for. Someone on Twitter said mental illness, but I don’t think that’s right.
- Now, it’s 5 years laters. She’s with the hot guy. I’m glad they don’t have any more kids.
- They’re rock-tap-training the kids, thank God.
- Sometimes, when you’re raiding a house for goods, you gotta steal a lil left-behind lingerie for yo’ man.
- The worst part of this whole experience is knowing that I’m gonna have to watch it again with my gf.
- I just think unprotected sex is irresponsible in an apocalypse.
- There’s no way she gonna sacrifice a child in this boat adventure.
- I don’t think you can garden without seeing.
- SURVIVAL IS NOT ENOUGH!
- OH so Boy and Girl isn’t just the writer’s narrative choice. She fucking named them Boy and Girl. Cold, Sandra B. Cold.
- Y’all know I. only started watching this movie because i didn’t want to miss out on memes. Ughhh.
- BITCH YOU DON’T WANT THOSE 5-YEAR-OLD POPTARTS. Stale as hell. They ain’t even good fresh, shit.
- Wait, if you can live with the blindfold off, why wouldn’t you? Maybe it’s fine. It’s totally fine. These guys ain’t dead! They’re like door-to-door salesmen of a Better Life?
- I will miss that hot man. RIP. The way those red leaves start stirring and whipping up and moving, it reminds me a little of the movie Annihilation.
- I think I just realized why she named them Boy and Girl. It’s so she won’t get as attached. Holy shit, that’s dark. If she was a nicer woman, though, this wouldn’t have worked, I guess. APOCALYPSE CHILD REARING BEST PRACTICES.
- 42 hours on the river. Personal note: I hate white water rapids, and I wouldn’t do it in the best of all possible worlds.
- Oh god this is my idea of hell.
- Yup, and they capsized.
- FUCK YES THEY HAVE BELLS. Ring Ring Mother Fuckers!!!
- BUT how the hell did the BirdBox™ survive that shit. I guess if an 8-month pregnant lady can survive a car-rolling crash, these birds are all right in their Bird Box. ™
- Oh god when she falls down DONT CRUSH THE BIRDS!!!!
- This is the most stressful game of Marco Polo I’ve ever watched.
- If these children die i’m never watching a movie ever again.
- THE BLIND PEOPLE SCHOOL!!! This is just tidying up in the last few minutes like an old episode of The Twilight Zone.
- Oh, the bird shit that must be everywhere in this place!. Who cares, worth it.
- Good god damn… you KNOW those Sandra Bullock birds are glad to be out of that Bird Box. ™
- Oh the secret reveal of NAMES?!?! AND OF HER BEING THE MOTHER?! Oh yeah, these kids are fucked up.
- I hate this movie
